One Year Ago

One year ago today I found out I was expecting triplets. I can remember that day so vividly. I remember sitting in the waiting room waiting to be called back and praying to God that we would be able to see at least one healthy heartbeat. I'll never forget when she started the u/s and I saw 2 little sacs right away and I asked the u/s tech "is that two?" and she said "actually it's three?". I said 3 heartbeats and she said yes 3 healthy heartbeats. I think it was the first time in our marriage that Mike was speechless, but I couldn't have been happier. I had been triply blessed. As soon as we left the clinic I immediately called my parents and sister and told them that there were 3 little heartbeats. That was probably the happiest day of my life finding out that I was carrying 3 miracle babies. Never did I imagine the pain and loss that I would soon be experiencing in 19 short weeks. It's still hard for me to see multiple babies whether it be twins or triplets becuase it reminds me of what I lost and what I'll never get to experience.

After you've lost a baby your life changes forever. I know I'm so blessed to be pregnant again, but I'll never get to truly enjoy this pregnancy like a women who has never lost a child. Instead, I worry every day that my body will fail me again and it a moment something bad could happen. I'm trying to stay positive, but it's a very hard thing to do after you've lost 3 healthy babies.

I also had my appointment yesterday. I had another cervical check yesterday and although the doctor said my cervix still looks good I’m starting to get nervous because it went from a 4.1 on May 18th to a 3.1 yesterday. The u/s tech said it looks good, but she could tell I was really nervous so she had the doctor come in and talk to me. As soon as the doctor walked in I said “I’m really nervous that my cervix changed that much in 8 days”. The doctor said anything over 3.0 is considered good/normal and that I should not worry. She said the cervix was still closed and long and there were no signs of funneling. She said they get concerned when the cervix gets down to 2.0 and that is the point where they would put a cerclage stitch in. She said lets see how the cervix looks next Monday and if it continues to change than they will probably put the stitch in. I asked her if I should go on bed rest right now and she said no that it was not necessary.

I’m trying to remain calm and not worry, but it scares me that my cervix changed that much in 8 days. I just pray that my cervix looks good at next Monday’s appointment.

Attached are some u/s pictures from yesterday: