BFN

Well, I broke down and tested this morning and it was a BFN (Big Fat Negative). I starred at that stupid test praying and hoping that a second line would show up. But no matter how long I looked, that second line never appeared.

I'm technically 13dpo which should probably show a positive if I was indeed pregnant. So while there still may be a slight chance that I'm pregnant, the more obvious explanation is that this FET failed.

Right now, I hate my life. I was really hoping that this FET would work and it would help to ease the pain of losing the triplets. But unfortunately it will only add to my sadness and emptiness. I'm not sure why I have to struggle so much with infertility and why my triplets were taken away from me.

I'm so ready for 2008 to be over. This is by far the worst year of my life. I lost a singleton pregnancy on January 15th at 9 weeks to Turner Syndrome and then lost the triplets at 19 weeks on August 17th & 18th and also got into 2 car accidents and just recently got a ticket for rolling through a right turn on red. So I think I had enough shitty things happen to me this year.

So where does this leave me??? I don't know, I will meet with the Fertility doctors and will be at their mercy on whether or not they will do a 4th fresh cycle for us. I'm hoping and praying that they will give us another try since they know that I can get pregnant we've just had some bad luck along the way.

Only 4 more hours of work and then I can head home and cry. I've been trying to put on a brave face at work and pretend everything is ok, but deep inside I'm dying.