I woke up a little better this morning. I think I cried so much yesterday that I completely wiped my body out. I was out as soon as my head hit the pillow. Of course I woke up and instantly thought of the trips and this last failed cycle, but I guess I'm handling it a little better today.
We headed over to my parents house last night for dinner and I splurged and had a Coke. It tasted so good. Back in February 2007 when we began our first IVF attempt I decided to give up caffeine and for the past 2 years I have not had any caffeine. So last night I thought what the hell...... I'm going to have a caffeinated coke. We're playing cards with our neighbors this weekend and I actually think I'm going to allow myself an alcoholic beverage. Maybe a nice glass of white wine or brandy slush.
For the past 2 years my life has revolved around IVF (shots, blood draws, ultrasounds, appointments, bed rest and dreaded 2WW). For the past 2 years my life has revolved around looking at a calendar and figuring out what cycle day I'm on and what medicine I need to be taking. So I'm taking this next month off and I'm going to try really hard not to think about all this stuff.
Today at work we are having our Holiday Party - that equals pigging out all day. There is so much good food that I imagine I'll feel miserable at the end of the day from overeating.
I'm going to try and put on a brave face today and get into the Holiday Spirit. My goal is to get through the day with no tears...
16 years today
1 year ago
3 comments:
I'm glad today was a little better... You deserve that coke and you REALLY deserve a drink. Holy smokes, how did you make it this long without caffeine? It seems I spent all of last January at my kitchen table drinking coffee and doing crossword puzzles. A glass of wine at night wasn't bad either.
I'm thinking of you all the time and hoping for happier days in 2009.
Heather E.
Lisa, I know this sounds strange, but it was such a relief to read your post today. As I read it, I felt a little like you had taken a mini-micro step forward. For the first time in a long time, I told myself, "okay, she's going to be okay. She's going to make it through this." You deserve all the caffeine and wine you want! (((hugs))).
Lisa,
You don't know me, but I have lurked on your boards since you starting posting on BBC. I post with Kelly (greatgirl) on the other boards. Sweetie..I just want to send a special hug to you. I share a birthday with your precious baby. If you would allow me to..I would love to create a picutre collage for your blog header as a way to honor your precious angels. {{{HUGS}}
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