Merry Christmas Angels

This morning I woke up with a heavy heart. This Christmas should have been one of the most enjoyable and memorable days because I should have been a Mommy and the triplets should be home from the NICU and we should be the proud and very tired parents of 2 little boys and 1 girl. But unfortunately, this is a very sad day for me. I didn't get to buy any little gifts and wrap them up and put them under the Christmas tree, instead I get to visit the cemetery with tears running down my face and wish my little angels were here with us.

It seems yet another year will pass with empty arms. My parents and Mike have asked me what I want for for Christmas the past 5 years and every year my response is the same "a healthy baby".

I think right now I've gone into survival mode. I'm trying to take one day at a time and figure out how to survive the Holidays. While most people will be filled with joy, I'm only filled with sadness. While most families have a house filled with holiday decorations, presents and anxious children - we have nothing. I couldn't get myself to put up the decorations this year. I can't stand to see that our fireplace would only hold Mike and I stockings this year instead of an additional 3 stockings for the triplets.

Dear Alex, Michael & Faith - Mommy wants to wish you a Merry Christmas! Mommy wishes you were here with us. Mommy bought an Ornament this year with your 3 names on it. Mommy & Daddy also volunteered at "Feed my Starving Children" this year and before we left we picked up 3 tags from the Giving Christmas Tree and sponsored 3 starving children in Haiti in honor and memory of the three of you. We decided after we left that we would make that an annual volunteer event and participate each year. We also adopted a family this year and dropped off a whole car load of gifts for a family of 5 in memory of you. I hope you know how much we love you and miss you.
Love, Mommy.