Melt Down

So I totally broke down this morning when I walked into the fertility clinic. I've been a patient there for so long and I know everyone so well and know that everyone has been praying for us. When I saw Venita (the receptionist) I just couldn't hold back the tears and just started crying. She gave me a big hug and said don't give up hope. I was then called back for the blood draw and obviously the lab tech could tell that I had tested and got bad news.

My clinic usually only calls back after the 2nd blood draw which would be on Friday, Dec 19th. However, I asked them to make an exception and just put me out of misery and call me today. She said they would talk to Dr. Bayless and see if they could call me today with the results. So I'm hoping they call and give me the negative results which would be an HCG level below 5. I just want to be done with the PIO shots and all the other drugs and don't see it necessary to stay on the shots if I know the results are negative.

My mom called today and is meeting me for lunch, so hopefully that will be a nice break in my day at work. I have such a hard time focusing on work because all I think about all day long is Alex, Michael and Faith. Sometime I feel guilty because I know that I have not been the best worker lately and I know I am blessed to have such a great job with a great company given all the recent layoffs. So I guess I struggle with trying to maintain my life while I'm hurting so bad and so depressed.